We actually started with dinner at Ping’s Chinese Restaurant in San Rafael, which is consistently lovely and affordable at the same time. If you ever get to go, order mu shu pork for a starter, and do whatever it takes to get an order of the honey pecan prawns. Mmmmm…heaven. And the asparagus chicken and combination fried rice is pleasant too. It’s all served family-style, and at $10-15 a plate it’s a good deal (and we had a coupon!). And they have tablecloths and a quiet atmosphere perfect for a date. It looks a little strip-mall-dive from the outside, so it’s a place mostly only the locals know about. Try it if you’re in the neighborhood.

Then we headed south to the City, across the Golden Gate Bridge and over to the Palace of Fine Arts. We took pictures with what we collectively decided was neo-classical architecture. Swans in the pond. Very romantic. And free.

Then to Fisherman’s Wharf where Colin found the perfect parking place at Ghiradelli Square. We shared sundaes

and explored the rainbow of chocolate packaging and manufactory.

Then down the street to see the Cannery, look at the marina, and stare out the car window at the Coit Tower (which apparently wasn’t built to look like a fire hose nozzel, according to a random internet site I read that may or may not be a reputable source). A drive down the twisty Lombard Street and we were all too exhausted to go on.

An example of his wonderfulness (it’s a word now!) is that he remembers for us that our first date was on Bastille Day in the year 2000.  He took me to dinner, then to the toy store for a preparatory explanation of the movie we were about to see, then to see the first X-Men movie.  We had a great time on that date and got married two years later.  In the nine years since, Colin has made a point of taking me to each of the X-Men movies in the theater in honor of our first date.  Isn’t that awesome?  I like to think romantic stuff like that doesn’t matter to me, but I get really excited when he makes a point of celebrating “us” together.

Good Kimberly offered last-minute to babysit ALL THREE KIDS so we could go out that night, and Colin planned the whole date.  I love planned dates!  Even when they cost zero dollars, or when I don’t even like the plans, I love it just that he plans ahead.  After a very, very long day wrestling with the little ones, re-showering and putting some makeup on and going out alone together was impressively refreshing.  Colin had looked up the new X-Men: Wolverine movie and made phone calls to find out which theaters had it on the largest, digital screens and at what time, then decided on a restaurant nearby for dinner.  We picked up our tickets, then took a little walk around the downtown area, and headed to dinner at a fun Mexican restaurant.  After dinner, we discovered that we’d locked the keys in the car, but we have roadside assistance coverage with our car insurance so it wasn’t too much of a stress and we decided to just watch the movie and then call the insurance to have the car unlocked.  The movie was neat (not flawless, and I recommend watching it on Clearplay at home for those of you who, like me, prefer to skip the violence), and afterward the tow truck/locksmith guy came very quickly. We got home to sleeping children and a lovely babysitter who didn’t even imply a desire to strangle us for being gone so long.  She even giggled with us over the fairy band-aids we got her that we made with “real fairy wings.”  Thank you Kim!

We spent much of the evening patting ourselves on the back for our marriage accomplishments.  We’ve made it through three relatively unpleasant pregnancies, had three relatively pleasant children, bought a house, moved several times, changed jobs, dealt with unemployment and financial stress, done grad school, supported each other in various callings at church, and managed to enjoy each other in the process.  It’s good to remember some things you’ve done right once in a while.  Here’s to forever, Colin!

http://www.homemakingcottage.com/marriage/index.html Lots of interesting date ideas, including several free ones and some ideas for dates you can do at home after the kids go to sleep.

http://www.ohiomarriageresources.org/rac08.htm This list has lots of ideas, a few of them specific to Ohio, but most of them generally applicable.

http://www.dateapolooza.com/ A mostly Utah-based date planning tool with some interesting ideas and a good outline for how to plan a date.

http://dating.suite101.com/article.cfm/101_date_ideas 101 date ideas, some of them really good, some of them not.

http://www.betterbudgeting.com/articles/frugal/frugaldates.htm This one has a good list of frugal dates, my favorite may be the idea to follow someone else…

http://www.lightplanet.com/mormons/dating/things_to_do_date.html More than 50 fun ideas.

http://lds.about.com/od/ldsdating/a/lds_dating_idea.htm More than a hundred LDS-oriented ideas.  Mostly one-word verbs, not descriptive, but lots of ideas.

http://www.romancestuck.com/romantic-date-idea.htm Some more good ideas, categorized neatly.

Now I have an handy-dandy list of date ideas next time we can’t think of what to do for date night. 

Plus, he left the car with me even though he doesn’t like to be a passenger.  So, maybe today I’ll take the kids to the library or something since we haven’t been all week.  And I should head over to the grocery store (again! it seems like I’m always going there) and get some milk and produce for the weekend.  We’re out of apples and bananas, and the kids were asking for some last night. 

We were going to go see National Treasure 2 at the dollar theater, but when we got to the theater across town we discovered it was a full-priced theater and that it’s not yet in the dollar theater.  The price was too much for us, so we decided to explore a little bit since we’d never been to that part of the city and it looked nice.  Somehow we got on a road that took us out of the city and into the woods in the middle of nowhere.  I pulled out the map to see where the road lead and discovered that it would take us on a long route sort of near our house again, only over the river and through the woods.  I was a little bit stressed out about not knowing where we were, but once I figured out that the road we were on wasn’t a dead end and wouldn’t take us to Bermuda I calmed down and was able to enjoy the ride.  It looked a lot like the area Colin grew up in.  Lots of trees, older houses sprinkled here and there, and rolling hills.  Colin kept saying things like “oh, I could move here and be happy.”  We listened to the Stevie Wonder CD we got for Christmas and Colin worked on helping me to learn to appreciate the art that is Stevie Wonder’s music.

About an hour later, we ended up at Moe’s Burrito near our house.  We each got a big old burrito and some chips and shared it with the kids.  Still not the west coast mexican food Colin’s been questing for, but good nonetheless.  Colin decided that what he’s been looking for may not exist anywhere anymore, including California.  So sad…

It was a fun and memorable “date” and the kids were so quiet for most of it that it mostly felt like they weren’t there.  It was good to get to sit and talk and listen to music together.  Thanks for the adventure, Colin!  I love you! 

We were going to go see National Treasure 2 at the dollar theater, but when we got to the theater across town we discovered it was a full-priced theater and that it’s not yet in the dollar theater.  The price was too much for us, so we decided to explore a little bit since we’d never been to that part of the city and it looked nice.  Somehow we got on a road that took us out of the city and into the woods in the middle of nowhere.  I pulled out the map to see where the road lead and discovered that it would take us on a long route sort of near our house again, only over the river and through the woods.  I was a little bit stressed out about not knowing where we were, but once I figured out that the road we were on wasn’t a dead end and wouldn’t take us to Bermuda I calmed down and was able to enjoy the ride.  It looked a lot like the area Colin grew up in.  Lots of trees, older houses sprinkled here and there, and rolling hills.  Colin kept saying things like “oh, I could move here and be happy.”  We listened to the Stevie Wonder CD we got for Christmas and Colin worked on helping me to learn to appreciate the art that is Stevie Wonder’s music.

About an hour later, we ended up at Moe’s Burrito near our house.  We each got a big old burrito and some chips and shared it with the kids.  Still not the west coast mexican food Colin’s been questing for, but good nonetheless.  Colin decided that what he’s been looking for may not exist anywhere anymore, including California.  So sad…

It was a fun and memorable “date” and the kids were so quiet for most of it that it mostly felt like they weren’t there.  It was good to get to sit and talk and listen to music together.  Thanks for the adventure, Colin!  I love you! 

At my voting place I got the parking spot closest to the door with no effort at all, even though there were about a dozen cars in the very small parking lot besides mine.  I walked inside the building, which turned out to be the gym/basketball court of a church, and got in the A-K line.  I don’t know if A-K means first name or last name, but both of mine are in the A-K category so it was easy to figure out which line to be in.  There were only a couple of people in front of me in line, but there was no one in the L-Z line at all, and soon after I arrived about five more people arrived who also happened to be A-K voters.  Crazy, huh? 

The voting judge took my ID with no question, had me sign the voting book, and then sent me to “the gentleman on the end” to get my ballot.  The gentleman next to the end (I think he was the one handing out the Democrat ballots) started talking to me, but then when I told him I’d been told to see “the gentleman on the end” he chuckled in a kind of surprized way and pointed me to the gentleman who was really on the end who was handing out the Republican ballots.  The friendly old gentleman on the end asked me to sign for the ballot, and I noticed that every ballot was numbered and the number of the ballot is next to the signature spot.  I guess that’s to make sure that the person who takes the ballot is really there.  Before handing me the ballot, the gentleman on the end tore the perforated number off the ballot, I guess to maintain anonymity for me. 

Then I walked over to one of five empty voting boxes with my ballot.  It was just a sheet of paper with a lot more candidates on it than I knew were running and bubbles to fill in next to the one you want to vote for.  In the voting box there was a black ball-point pen to fill in the bubble and instructions on how to do it in case you were old enough to have never taken a bubble test in school.  I said a little prayer, asking God to stop me now if I was going to vote for a bad candidate and to inspire me over who would be best to vote for.  Then I filled in a bubble and took it over to the old gentleman next to the door who showed me how to feed my ballot into the scanner/ballot box and gave me an “I Voted” sticker.  I love those stickers and have been known to wear them for days after I vote.

This was the third type of voting procedure I’ve encountered in my voting life.  The first two were 1) the punch card system that made such a stink a few years ago in Florida, and 2) the touch-screen computer system.  I didn’t think any of them were hard and I felt confident that my vote would be counted in each case. 

After I left the voting place, proudly wearing my sticker, I called Colin to tell him I was done.  I felt this great sense of freedom at being alone and told him so.  He suggested that I go get my hair cut (he knows I love getting my hair cut) or something while he watched some movie about Hannukah on TV with the kids.  Hannukah reminded me of sugar-coated donuts, and Colin suggested that I go pick some up at the store.  In the back of my head I remembered that I was almost out of foundation and powder makeup and that I had a walmart gift card in my wallet from Christmas, so I decided to go take a trip to walmart in search of makeup and donuts. 

An hour after leaving the house, I got home with donuts and new makeup in hand and a great feeling of renewed optimism and energy.  I had a casserole ready to go in the oven for dinner, so I wasn’t worried about making a meal, and I had some fun new stuff to try.  The kids were happy and ready to eat, play, and go to bed.  Talk about luxury!  Colin quickly pointed out that he’s happy to do this every day if I want, and that I’m always the one who wants to do things together, and I said that maybe I’ll change my mind about all that now and take more time to be alone.  It was a good day. 

At my voting place I got the parking spot closest to the door with no effort at all, even though there were about a dozen cars in the very small parking lot besides mine.  I walked inside the building, which turned out to be the gym/basketball court of a church, and got in the A-K line.  I don’t know if A-K means first name or last name, but both of mine are in the A-K category so it was easy to figure out which line to be in.  There were only a couple of people in front of me in line, but there was no one in the L-Z line at all, and soon after I arrived about five more people arrived who also happened to be A-K voters.  Crazy, huh? 

The voting judge took my ID with no question, had me sign the voting book, and then sent me to “the gentleman on the end” to get my ballot.  The gentleman next to the end (I think he was the one handing out the Democrat ballots) started talking to me, but then when I told him I’d been told to see “the gentleman on the end” he chuckled in a kind of surprized way and pointed me to the gentleman who was really on the end who was handing out the Republican ballots.  The friendly old gentleman on the end asked me to sign for the ballot, and I noticed that every ballot was numbered and the number of the ballot is next to the signature spot.  I guess that’s to make sure that the person who takes the ballot is really there.  Before handing me the ballot, the gentleman on the end tore the perforated number off the ballot, I guess to maintain anonymity for me. 

Then I walked over to one of five empty voting boxes with my ballot.  It was just a sheet of paper with a lot more candidates on it than I knew were running and bubbles to fill in next to the one you want to vote for.  In the voting box there was a black ball-point pen to fill in the bubble and instructions on how to do it in case you were old enough to have never taken a bubble test in school.  I said a little prayer, asking God to stop me now if I was going to vote for a bad candidate and to inspire me over who would be best to vote for.  Then I filled in a bubble and took it over to the old gentleman next to the door who showed me how to feed my ballot into the scanner/ballot box and gave me an “I Voted” sticker.  I love those stickers and have been known to wear them for days after I vote.

This was the third type of voting procedure I’ve encountered in my voting life.  The first two were 1) the punch card system that made such a stink a few years ago in Florida, and 2) the touch-screen computer system.  I didn’t think any of them were hard and I felt confident that my vote would be counted in each case. 

After I left the voting place, proudly wearing my sticker, I called Colin to tell him I was done.  I felt this great sense of freedom at being alone and told him so.  He suggested that I go get my hair cut (he knows I love getting my hair cut) or something while he watched some movie about Hannukah on TV with the kids.  Hannukah reminded me of sugar-coated donuts, and Colin suggested that I go pick some up at the store.  In the back of my head I remembered that I was almost out of foundation and powder makeup and that I had a walmart gift card in my wallet from Christmas, so I decided to go take a trip to walmart in search of makeup and donuts. 

An hour after leaving the house, I got home with donuts and new makeup in hand and a great feeling of renewed optimism and energy.  I had a casserole ready to go in the oven for dinner, so I wasn’t worried about making a meal, and I had some fun new stuff to try.  The kids were happy and ready to eat, play, and go to bed.  Talk about luxury!  Colin quickly pointed out that he’s happy to do this every day if I want, and that I’m always the one who wants to do things together, and I said that maybe I’ll change my mind about all that now and take more time to be alone.  It was a good day. 

If your wife is really always unusually tired, she may have a medical problem like mononucleosis or depression.  Seriously, if she's always tired you should probably get her to go to the doctor if you can.  In fact, go to the doctor with her and drive the car and sit in the office with her and the doctor and help her think of questions to ask the doctor and write down the answers you get. 

If you think she's just acting tired and "doesn't like" you, you may be thinking she's trying to avoid you and you may be right.  In that case, you've got to find out why she's avoiding you and try to help her deal with whatever reasons come up.  I say reasons, plural, because if she's in a state where she's avoiding you it probably means that she's been storing up reasons for a while (could be a long, long while) and won't just have a simple "you didn't take out the garbage last night" reason.  In my experience, there's usually a straw-that-broke-the-camel's-back reason plus a possible hundreds of previous reasons.  When I say reasons, I mean issues or problems or events that hurt her feelings. 

Often, if you can get your wife to tell you the reasons and you can be sympathetic and not defensive while she explodes emotionally, listening to the reasons will be a big chunk of helping her to like you again.  Be warned: it could take a while (like hours) for her to remember everything and express everything.  It may also include a lot of crying and paradoxical statements.

To avoid such a situation, my husband does a lot of what he calls "calling my bluff."  Whenever I get grumpy he or uncommunicative he insists that I tell him what's going on in my head immediately.  It works for us, partly because we both have natural tendencies to not take ourselves very seriously, and keeps me from storing up irritation and anger over little things until the mass of little things becomes an unmanageable big thing.

The problem may be that your wife feels like you don't listen to her and/or respect her and her feelings.  Sometimes the husband may have done something "horribly wrong" or really horribly wrong and the wife doesn't know how to bring it up or resolve the problem.  It seems like most of these problems involve not spending enough time together doing things together (watching movies or TV together doesn't count because you're in the same room, but not really paying attention to each other).  I recommend a weekly date with just the two of you (no kids!) to prevent and deescalate such problems.  Maybe I'll get Colin to do another post with me sometime on how to go on an inexpensive but meaningful date.    

Other ways to strengthen your marriage, brainstorm style:

Smile at each other
Leave nice notes in unexpected places for each other
Play games together
Have traditions
Laugh together (try to make each other laugh)
Have a common hobby–try new things together
Learn about one of your spouse's hobbies
Take walks together
Exercise together
Make goals together
Sacrifice for each other (willingly, no strings attached)
Forgive quickly and often
Lots of hugs and kisses
Check in–let your spouse know where you're going and when you'll be back, and call just to say hi once in a while
Say "hello and I love you" when you first walk in the door, say "goodbye and I love you" when you leave
Eat together, no TV, at the table (and look at each other while you're at it)
Think we, us, our instead of I, me, mine (i.e. our schedule, not my schedule)

I hope all that helps someone sometime.  While we're talking about things people search for when they come to my site and ways to strengthen your marriage, you are definitely not on the right track if you're looking for porn.  Get some professional help, pornography is an addiction and will mess up every relationship you have.  Spend your time in an uplifting way that will strengthen you and your marriage.  Just a thought, since I can see what each of you searched for when you found my site.