Today I’ve been thinking about how making changes in the way I do things changes the way I feel, think, and look.  When I was a teenager and in college I subscribed to the popular adage: it’s what’s inside that counts.  I think I felt it was necessary for me think that way because of my sometimes negative feelings about my outside.  I commendably worked hard at academics, read a lot, talked to people, and improved my mind as much as possible because that’s what counts.  I maintained appropriate hygeine habits, but paid little to no attention to my clothes, make-up, or hair.  I spent little to no time on exercise and never dieted at all.  I’m embarrassed to say that I sometimes proudly thought less of my “pretty” friends who cared about making their bodies more beautiful.  Part of that was jealousy, but part of it was me thinking I was really better than them because I focused on what mattered and didn’t “waste time” on frivolity that didn’t really improve the part of them that really counts–the mind.

Colin was a big part of my first realization that I’d been wrong.  We’d known each other for a while when he suggested that I have my hair cut.  I was shocked that he’d make a suggestion, apparently implying that my appearance was less than adequate.  I promptly told him that my hair was fine the way it was (long, left uncut for about two years, formerly cut only by my mother, and always in a ponytail).  He countered that he knew it was fine the way it was, but that he thought I’d enjoy it because having a new haircut often gives you a new outlook and improves confidence.  I told him that my confidence was fine, I didn’t need a new outlook because I was happy the way I was, and that  a new haircut surely wouldn’t change me inside and therefore wouldn’t be useful the way he suggested it would.  Eventually he dropped the subject, but it made me think.  Next time one of my roommates went to the salon, I went with her, insisting untruthfully to myself and everyone else that it had nothing to do with him or what he’d said.

I came out of that salon feeling (and looking) like a new woman.  I looked pretty, put-together, and intentional.  I realized then that Colin was right.  Doing something to improve your outside changes your inside, sometimes in essential ways.  The inside isn’t the only thing that counts.  I was right that I was “fine” or “okay” the way I was before the haircut, but I was better inside and out for having done something to improve my body and my presentation of my body.  Surprisingly, I could actually think and speak more clearly after having maintained part of my body.  It was truly a revelation for me.

I’ve re-visited that idea lately as I’ve accepted the Ponytail Challenge and exercised and worked harder to care for my body.  The person I call “I” is not exclusively my mind, nor is it exclusively my body.  “I” am both, and they affect each other.  Each time I do something for one, I do something for the other.  If I focus on improving one while I neglect the other, something about me (inside and out) will always suffer.  God gave me the gift of an active mind and a healthy body and I have stewardship over both.  Do I stop reading so that I can spend all my time curling my hair?  Of course not.  Do I spend all my time reading and neglect my diet, exercise, and leave my hair disheveled?  Sometimes, but I feel, think, and look better when I balance both.

Today I’ve been thinking about how making changes in the way I do things changes the way I feel, think, and look.  When I was a teenager and in college I subscribed to the popular adage: it’s what’s inside that counts.  I think I felt it was necessary for me think that way because of my sometimes negative feelings about my outside.  I commendably worked hard at academics, read a lot, talked to people, and improved my mind as much as possible because that’s what counts.  I maintained appropriate hygeine habits, but paid little to no attention to my clothes, make-up, or hair.  I spent little to no time on exercise and never dieted at all.  I’m embarrassed to say that I sometimes proudly thought less of my “pretty” friends who cared about making their bodies more beautiful.  Part of that was jealousy, but part of it was me thinking I was really better than them because I focused on what mattered and didn’t “waste time” on frivolity that didn’t really improve the part of them that really counts–the mind.

Colin was a big part of my first realization that I’d been wrong.  We’d known each other for a while when he suggested that I have my hair cut.  I was shocked that he’d make a suggestion, apparently implying that my appearance was less than adequate.  I promptly told him that my hair was fine the way it was (long, left uncut for about two years, formerly cut only by my mother, and always in a ponytail).  He countered that he knew it was fine the way it was, but that he thought I’d enjoy it because having a new haircut often gives you a new outlook and improves confidence.  I told him that my confidence was fine, I didn’t need a new outlook because I was happy the way I was, and that  a new haircut surely wouldn’t change me inside and therefore wouldn’t be useful the way he suggested it would.  Eventually he dropped the subject, but it made me think.  Next time one of my roommates went to the salon, I went with her, insisting untruthfully to myself and everyone else that it had nothing to do with him or what he’d said.

I came out of that salon feeling (and looking) like a new woman.  I looked pretty, put-together, and intentional.  I realized then that Colin was right.  Doing something to improve your outside changes your inside, sometimes in essential ways.  The inside isn’t the only thing that counts.  I was right that I was “fine” or “okay” the way I was before the haircut, but I was better inside and out for having done something to improve my body and my presentation of my body.  Surprisingly, I could actually think and speak more clearly after having maintained part of my body.  It was truly a revelation for me.

I’ve re-visited that idea lately as I’ve accepted the Ponytail Challenge and exercised and worked harder to care for my body.  The person I call “I” is not exclusively my mind, nor is it exclusively my body.  “I” am both, and they affect each other.  Each time I do something for one, I do something for the other.  If I focus on improving one while I neglect the other, something about me (inside and out) will always suffer.  God gave me the gift of an active mind and a healthy body and I have stewardship over both.  Do I stop reading so that I can spend all my time curling my hair?  Of course not.  Do I spend all my time reading and neglect my diet, exercise, and leave my hair disheveled?  Sometimes, but I feel, think, and look better when I balance both.

Each chapter has a few practical writing assignments at the end for you to do to help you make plans and deal with your issues. An interesting thing about this book is that, unlike any other "diet books" I've read, they work on the premise that you need to figure out why you don't take care of your body (why you put the weight on) in the first place in order to make long-lasting changes. They discuss reasons like abuse, stress, and rebellion. There's an entire chapter on forgiveness and how you have to be forgiving in order to be healthy.

Another point they make in this book and throughout Flylady's writings is that many of us are so perfectionistic that we decide if we can't do it perfectly, then we won't do it at all. We procrastinate until it's too late, then say "why bother?" That's why they advocate babysteps–because it's too easy to make a huge goal, then make one mistake and give up on everything altogether. For people like me who have this attitude, it's better to focus on improving just a little bit at a time, being just a bit better today than I was yesterday, than to focus on how much ground I still have to cover. That way, if I make a mistake today, instead of giving up tomorrow I'll keep working at it. I haven't actually done the exercises in the book yet, and I'm not resolved yet to make any changes, but it's rolling around in my head and I think I'm already making some better choices about what I eat since I read it. Thanks for sending me a happy education, Sonja!