I’ve been meaning for a long time to try my hand at painting again. Once in high school I did a watercolor under the expert supervision of my grandmother and it was successful enough to win a prize at a competition. A few years later I tried to do another watercolor unsupervised. It turned out as a piece of paper completely covered in purpley-brown. No, it was not a modern art piece. It was supposed to be beautiful snow-capped mountains. Didn’t work out that way.

I have several talented award-winning painter sisters, one of them who was a high school art teacher all this last school year. A while back I asked her why my latest attempt at painting was such a failure, and she decided that it wasn’t so much me as it was my choice of materials. I’d used sketch paper instead of watercolor paper, spiral bound instead of taped to a board. Apparently that’s going to nearly guarantee watercolor failure. I also used one of those plastic brushes that comes with sets of kids watercolors. Also not setting myself up for success.

So, another nearly decade later, I decided to try again, this time with guidance from my more experienced sisters. Emily (the art teacher) told me to start with acrylics this time, since they’re apparently a more forgiving medium than watercolor.  She passed on some of her paints to me, and told me to get a canvas board (less than $5 at Michaels for a 3-pack) in a smaller size (8×10) and to get some better brushes.  I watched a bunch of Bob Ross shows (I love his happy trees!) on the DVR in preparation, but when I mentioned that I was planning to try one of his shows as a starter painting, Emily recommended that I hold off on that for a little while in order to give me some instant gratification (i.e. decrease my chances of  discouragement).  Between her and Eliza, it was decided that my first try should be a black-and white painting to give me some experience with values.  I was a little disappointed about this at first since I like bright colors, but once we compared Bob Ross to calculus (or algebra or whatever) and my monochromatic option to addition, I decided to go with addition today.

Emily and Eliza suggested that I find a simply shaped picture to work from in black and white and grid-trace it onto a midtone-gray-painted canvas.  I went to old newspapers for inspiration, and found a small photo by Jeff Vendsel of fireworks at the county fair to work from. Thanks IJ!  I chose it because Eliza said that photos that are darker are more fun to do in monochrome, and because I liked the subject.  I didn’t do the tracing thing, as the proportions didn’t really fit (maybe you can tell…), but I found the mid-points and generally stuck to the shapes as much as I could.

Determined to get some paint on canvas, I waited until nap time during the half-hour all three kids were asleep, gathered my supplies, put on the grey base coat, and sketched out my shapes.  I pulled out my still-inexpensive brushes ($5 for about 15 of various shapes and sizes)  and got to work.

By the time Maggie woke up two hours later, I had finished what you see in the photo above.  The first to admit it’s no masterpiece, I think it’s a really good first try, given naptime constraints and phone-only coaching.  And when I asked Maggie and Degen what the stripes were, they knew they were fireworks, and that the roundish thing on the right was a “merry-go-round” and that the bottom part was water.  So it’s at least recognizable, and I’m pleased to have taken a step toward my aspirations to paint as a hobby.

P.S.  Like my background for my photo?  It’s my desk, complete with an offer I’ve been reluctantly sort of ignoring for a discount subscription to Cook’s Illustrated.  Someday when I have lots of money lying around, I’m going to buy subscriptions to Cook’s Illustrated, Popular Science, and the Economist–hey, and while we’re at it probably seven-day/week subscriptions to the New York Times and the Wall Street Journal, since we have unlimited money in my dream world here.

I’ve been exercising 30 minutes a day, every day except Sundays, for more than 40 days now!  This is a huge change for previously unathletic me, and I’ve learned a couple of things in the process.  I thought I’d record my thoughts on the subject while I’m in a good mood so that next time I feel grumpy about exercising I can read over it again.

1. Exercising is great stress relief, helps me relax, and puts me in a good mood.  Even when I hate it while I’m doing it, once I’m done I have more patience with my family and it’s easier to have a good attitude about my problems.  I’m generally happier than I was before I started exercising every day.

2. Variety is important for me.  I’ve been doing a yoga video at home in the evenings for the last couple of weeks because I could do it inside with the kids, and at night when it’s too dark to safely go outside (and I’m sure people are in the apartment complex gym…I’m shy that way).  The last two days I started getting REALLY annoyed with the woman on the video and started exercising half-heartedly.  Last night, in the middle of my video, I decided to try something else.  I got the iPod out and went for a walk around the apartment complex–it was only dusk (reluctant thanks to Daylight Savings), and being outside was really refreshing.  This morning I walked for a while outside, then went to the gym and ran for a while, then lifted some weights.  It’s much easier to keep exercising if I can quit Option A when I get sick of it and have Options B and C to switch to.

3. Exercising while listening to something helps me work out longer.  Listening to the scriptures helps me focus and be calm (plus I get some scripture study in), while listening to upbeat music motivates me to keep going and distracts me when I don’t want to keep going.

4. Working out in the morning is best, even though it’s possibly the hardest time of day to make myself do it.  When I do it in the morning, it’s not hanging over my head as a to-do all day.  I also have that feeling of confidence-boosting accomplishment to start the day with and motivate me to keep it up.  Plus, I’ve got the endorphins going while I do my foundational work of the day, instead of “wasting” them while I sleep at night.

5. I sleep better when I exercise.  I haven’t had a whole lot of trouble sleeping since high school (when I hardly slept at all), but early this year stress started bugging me to the point that I couldn’t shut it off when I got to bed and it would take me a long time to get to sleep.  Since I’ve been exercising, that problem has totally gone away and I usually go to sleep happy.

6. Exercising every day is possible with little kids and without money.  Sometimes the kids work out with me.  Sometimes I exercise in 5-min increments in order to get my 30 minutes in.  We had a couple of nights without electricity and I still exercised.  I haven’t spent a penny on working out since I started this goal.

7. I don’t have to exercise a huge amount or get super-sweaty to make a difference or to lose weight.  Even a happy little walk outside or the easiest level of that workout video is worthwhile.

8. Runners aren’t as crazy as I always thought.  Running is sometimes easier than walking fast…who knew?h

9. My body really does improve and get stronger as I consistently exercise.  Having never really exercised regularly, it was hard to believe that if I made the effort I would see a difference.  Everyone has heard that exercising a muscle will increase its strength, but now I’ve actually experienced it.

10. Exercising alone is one of the few things I’ve discovered that will convince my mind to turn off its “mom-radar.”  You moms know–it’s that part of your brain that is always paying attention to whether the kids are doing okay.  It’s on when I’m sleeping, it’s on while they’re sleeping, it’s even on when Colin is watching them while I go on errands by myself.  Until now, the only time I would find that it would turn off was when I’d pay a trusted babysitter to watch the kids and go on a date with my husband.  But when I’m exercising alone away from the house it turns off.  Exercising is at least as good for my sanity as our weekly date.

11. Having social support is important.  For those days when I’m discouraged and don’t want to keep it up, it’s a huge help to have Colin around to be accountable to.  I know he’ll ask me if I exercised before we go to bed, and I don’t want to say no.  And if I tell him I don’t want to exercise today, he’ll give me a long list of reasons not to give up.

12. Rewards make it easier, and they don’t have to be food-related or expensive to be motivational. Especially at the beginning, I found myself thinking of how I could keep walking for just a few more minutes or stay up the extra half hour at night to get my 30 minutes in, because if I did I’d get flowers at the end of the week.

13. Ironically, when I exercise I have MORE energy to do other things, not less.  Weird, but true.

14. Weight lifting is sometimes more fun than yoga, walking, running, or cycling.  You have more instant gratification–I have a feeling of accomplishment every time I finish a set of repetitions, and that only takes a minute or two in some cases.

In three places, (IE: a note in your pocket, your blog & comments here), you must list 5 things good about yourself.
Now, be serious! 5 real things- sincerely wonderful things about yourself.

If you notice yourself comparing; stop. Take a deep breath and review your 5 things.
Also, find one sincere reason to like the person you are comparing yourself to.

Read your 5 things out loud sometime during the day, every day until the end of the week.

This is harder than I thought it would be.  Especially publically declaring my awesome traits, because what if other people think I’m really not all that awesome at what I think I’m awesome at?  I can just hear some of you saying “What other people think doesn’t matter.”  Well, that doesn’t make it any easier.  So there.

Anyway, here’s my list, written as fast as I can:

1. I really, deeply love my family and they know it

2. I’m proactively working on improving myself

3. I can organize and improvise

4. I’m usually good at not taking myself too seriously

5. I have shiny, thick, healthy hair

Okay, that took me about 7 minutes.  Not too bad.  It’s a good exercise.  Give it a try.  “I do not like green eggs and ham” won’t work with me.

In the last year, my mom and sister-in-law both got me salt/sugar scrubs for the shower that smell great and don’t trigger my weird perfume reaction and I’ve used them at least once (sometimes more) a day for the last seven days.  There’s something about a whiff of chocolate or coconut from my own arm that makes me smile and feel like an attractive person instead of a cleaning machine.  Besides, with my carbohydrate-limited diet right now, smelling something sweet is often enough to curb my cravings.  Thank you ladies, for very thoughtful gifts!

It’s really helped a lot to have Colin supporting me.  He’s watched the kids while I’ve gone to the gym, stayed up late helping me finish picking up the house, gone to the store to buy me food when I’m too grumpy, and encouraged me to go ahead and do things when I wanted to just give up and go to sleep.  There were a few times this weekend when I certainly would have given up if it hadn’t been for him.  Thank you for being such a great husband, Colin!

Now that I have a taste of success, I’m going to keep it up.  I’ve hit 15 days in a row of all my health goals, and halfway to my 30-day mark I’m getting excited about getting my 30-day reward of going shopping for new clothes.  Woo-hoo!

Now I don’t know if it was a lack of faith in myself to actually accomplish my goals or what, but I didn’t really think through how I was going to PAY for these rewards.  Hmmmm…you’d think I would have done that.  We definitely don’t have an extra $50 in our budget every month for clothes, not to mention all the other rewards I “promised” myself.  On Saturday I scrounged through the house collecting stray coins to buy myself the flowers I’d earned.  I may have to rethink this if I’m actually going to achieve these goals. Maybe there are some really good, really inexpensive rewards out there.  Or maybe I can get sponsors.  I guess I could get a job, but we’re already sacrificing a lot so that I won’t have to do that and my little goals don’t seem to merit a change in our family priorities.  Earning money to pay for rewards I’ve earned doesn’t seem like much of a reward, especially when any money “should” go to bills.  Maybe the stickers alone are enough.  But doing things to get a reward I ultimately don’t get is a sure path to discouragement.  Any suggestions?

Today I’ve been thinking about how making changes in the way I do things changes the way I feel, think, and look.  When I was a teenager and in college I subscribed to the popular adage: it’s what’s inside that counts.  I think I felt it was necessary for me think that way because of my sometimes negative feelings about my outside.  I commendably worked hard at academics, read a lot, talked to people, and improved my mind as much as possible because that’s what counts.  I maintained appropriate hygeine habits, but paid little to no attention to my clothes, make-up, or hair.  I spent little to no time on exercise and never dieted at all.  I’m embarrassed to say that I sometimes proudly thought less of my “pretty” friends who cared about making their bodies more beautiful.  Part of that was jealousy, but part of it was me thinking I was really better than them because I focused on what mattered and didn’t “waste time” on frivolity that didn’t really improve the part of them that really counts–the mind.

Colin was a big part of my first realization that I’d been wrong.  We’d known each other for a while when he suggested that I have my hair cut.  I was shocked that he’d make a suggestion, apparently implying that my appearance was less than adequate.  I promptly told him that my hair was fine the way it was (long, left uncut for about two years, formerly cut only by my mother, and always in a ponytail).  He countered that he knew it was fine the way it was, but that he thought I’d enjoy it because having a new haircut often gives you a new outlook and improves confidence.  I told him that my confidence was fine, I didn’t need a new outlook because I was happy the way I was, and that  a new haircut surely wouldn’t change me inside and therefore wouldn’t be useful the way he suggested it would.  Eventually he dropped the subject, but it made me think.  Next time one of my roommates went to the salon, I went with her, insisting untruthfully to myself and everyone else that it had nothing to do with him or what he’d said.

I came out of that salon feeling (and looking) like a new woman.  I looked pretty, put-together, and intentional.  I realized then that Colin was right.  Doing something to improve your outside changes your inside, sometimes in essential ways.  The inside isn’t the only thing that counts.  I was right that I was “fine” or “okay” the way I was before the haircut, but I was better inside and out for having done something to improve my body and my presentation of my body.  Surprisingly, I could actually think and speak more clearly after having maintained part of my body.  It was truly a revelation for me.

I’ve re-visited that idea lately as I’ve accepted the Ponytail Challenge and exercised and worked harder to care for my body.  The person I call “I” is not exclusively my mind, nor is it exclusively my body.  “I” am both, and they affect each other.  Each time I do something for one, I do something for the other.  If I focus on improving one while I neglect the other, something about me (inside and out) will always suffer.  God gave me the gift of an active mind and a healthy body and I have stewardship over both.  Do I stop reading so that I can spend all my time curling my hair?  Of course not.  Do I spend all my time reading and neglect my diet, exercise, and leave my hair disheveled?  Sometimes, but I feel, think, and look better when I balance both.

Today I’ve been thinking about how making changes in the way I do things changes the way I feel, think, and look.  When I was a teenager and in college I subscribed to the popular adage: it’s what’s inside that counts.  I think I felt it was necessary for me think that way because of my sometimes negative feelings about my outside.  I commendably worked hard at academics, read a lot, talked to people, and improved my mind as much as possible because that’s what counts.  I maintained appropriate hygeine habits, but paid little to no attention to my clothes, make-up, or hair.  I spent little to no time on exercise and never dieted at all.  I’m embarrassed to say that I sometimes proudly thought less of my “pretty” friends who cared about making their bodies more beautiful.  Part of that was jealousy, but part of it was me thinking I was really better than them because I focused on what mattered and didn’t “waste time” on frivolity that didn’t really improve the part of them that really counts–the mind.

Colin was a big part of my first realization that I’d been wrong.  We’d known each other for a while when he suggested that I have my hair cut.  I was shocked that he’d make a suggestion, apparently implying that my appearance was less than adequate.  I promptly told him that my hair was fine the way it was (long, left uncut for about two years, formerly cut only by my mother, and always in a ponytail).  He countered that he knew it was fine the way it was, but that he thought I’d enjoy it because having a new haircut often gives you a new outlook and improves confidence.  I told him that my confidence was fine, I didn’t need a new outlook because I was happy the way I was, and that  a new haircut surely wouldn’t change me inside and therefore wouldn’t be useful the way he suggested it would.  Eventually he dropped the subject, but it made me think.  Next time one of my roommates went to the salon, I went with her, insisting untruthfully to myself and everyone else that it had nothing to do with him or what he’d said.

I came out of that salon feeling (and looking) like a new woman.  I looked pretty, put-together, and intentional.  I realized then that Colin was right.  Doing something to improve your outside changes your inside, sometimes in essential ways.  The inside isn’t the only thing that counts.  I was right that I was “fine” or “okay” the way I was before the haircut, but I was better inside and out for having done something to improve my body and my presentation of my body.  Surprisingly, I could actually think and speak more clearly after having maintained part of my body.  It was truly a revelation for me.

I’ve re-visited that idea lately as I’ve accepted the Ponytail Challenge and exercised and worked harder to care for my body.  The person I call “I” is not exclusively my mind, nor is it exclusively my body.  “I” am both, and they affect each other.  Each time I do something for one, I do something for the other.  If I focus on improving one while I neglect the other, something about me (inside and out) will always suffer.  God gave me the gift of an active mind and a healthy body and I have stewardship over both.  Do I stop reading so that I can spend all my time curling my hair?  Of course not.  Do I spend all my time reading and neglect my diet, exercise, and leave my hair disheveled?  Sometimes, but I feel, think, and look better when I balance both.

It felt really good to look somewhat presentable and intentional as I went about my business this week.  Funny how these things snowball.  I’d do my hair and automatically start doing my makeup.  And then I’d make my bed.  Then I’d have to clean up my nightstand, leading to picking up the stuff off the bedroom floor.  My bathroom still isn’t clean and my house isn’t vacuumed, but it isbetter than usual.  The If You Give a Mouse a Cookie effect.  Happy day!

Thanks to Camille, the creator of the Challenge.  You made my week a little better!

I used to dislike shaving my legs.  I cut myself pretty badly the first couple of times I shaved my legs and the experience tainted my shaving habits for a long time.  Plus, it takes so long to do thoroughly and I’d always notice that I’d missed a spot sometime during the day and it would drive me crazy.  I would shave about once a week for church, sometimes not even then if I was wearing a long skirt, and that’s it.  I’ve very rarely worn shorts since seventh grade and it just didn’t seem necessary.  Oh, and I’d shave when I went swimming at a pool that wasn’t in my own backyard. I tried waxing and chemically dissolving the hair on my legs, but waxing was painful and hard to do and the nair I used burned the skin on my legs the second time I used it and I gave up on that idea.

When I got married I shaved a little more often for the sake of feeling pretty, but after a few months of that I went back to my old habits.  One day out of sincere curiosity, I asked my husband if he’d prefer me to shave more often.  In the kindest, most sensitive way possible, he told that he would prefer it if I shaved.  Surprised, but knowing why he wouldn’t have mentioned it to me before, I committed to shaving my legs more often.  Colin never asks me to change anything about myself, and this was something I could easily volunteer to do.

I decided then that I would try to shave every day.  Habits come most easily to me if I do things daily.   I don’t do it thoroughly–I probably spend about 20 seconds on it–but I shave most days of any given week.  That way, what I missed yesterday or the day before I’ll probably catch today and my legs are always pretty smooth.  I’ve been at this for a couple of years now and it’s just part of the routine and no big deal at all.  I hardly think about it anymore.  I love having shaved legs every day.  I feel prettier and I feel ready to go.  It’s like having my hair done or having makeup on.  So, what started as something I did for my husband turned out to be something I also do for myself, but still with the satisfaction of knowing I did something that pleases him.  Thanks Colin!