http://www.bethanyjensen.com/2007/11/05/marriage-advice/ Or "Try, Try Again" Sun, 05 Feb 2012 19:22:18 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 http://www.bethanyjensen.com/2007/11/05/marriage-advice/comment-page-1/#comment-2399 cj Thu, 23 Apr 2009 20:06:54 +0000 http://www.bethanyjensen.com/index.php/2007/11/05/marriage-advice/#comment-2399 I love the post, and your blog. I'm going to comment, even though a comment is, by now, fairly out of date! One possible reason I'd add, here (also from my own limited experience), is sometimes, the "stay at home mom" type situation can feel somewhat alienating. Many men simply have no idea what it is their wives do every day--but they think they do! I've heard otherwise intelligent men comment that staying home with children is "easy", and they can't see what the fuss is about. I think more men need to make a concerted effort to really and truly try to understand their wives' perspectives. This is a gross exaggeration, but men tend to think very logically. If a perspective, or feeling, seems illogical to them, they tend to dismiss it as irrelevant, or incorrect. They often don't realize they lack sufficient information to understand where the other person is coming from. Also, for women, it can be hard, sometimes, to feel connected to their husbands' daily struggles. The husband comes home from work, and because he's tired and stressed out, doesn't want to talk about what he's been doing for the past 8 hours. He might assume the details of his day are boring. Likewise, although he may, in fact, be very interested to know what his wife has been up to, he may not express it. His wife might assume that, after his adventures in corporate America, her daily trials seem trite and uninteresting. Many couples meet in college, where they have a base of shared experience to draw on--similar classes, schedules, professors, stresses and issues they can share. Out in the "real world", however, it can feel like there's less and less in common. I think it's very important for men, and women, to recognize this and be proactive about it. Creating shared experiences is a great way to do so, as you mention, but I think it's equally important to share some intellectual challenges, as well. Discussions of books, current events, and other non-daily life related topics are an awesome opportunity to reconnect with what, intellectually and emotionally, drew you to the other person in the first place. I love the post, and your blog. I’m going to comment, even though a comment is, by now, fairly out of date! One possible reason I’d add, here (also from my own limited experience), is sometimes, the “stay at home mom” type situation can feel somewhat alienating. Many men simply have no idea what it is their wives do every day–but they think they do! I’ve heard otherwise intelligent men comment that staying home with children is “easy”, and they can’t see what the fuss is about. I think more men need to make a concerted effort to really and truly try to understand their wives’ perspectives. This is a gross exaggeration, but men tend to think very logically. If a perspective, or feeling, seems illogical to them, they tend to dismiss it as irrelevant, or incorrect. They often don’t realize they lack sufficient information to understand where the other person is coming from. Also, for women, it can be hard, sometimes, to feel connected to their husbands’ daily struggles. The husband comes home from work, and because he’s tired and stressed out, doesn’t want to talk about what he’s been doing for the past 8 hours. He might assume the details of his day are boring. Likewise, although he may, in fact, be very interested to know what his wife has been up to, he may not express it. His wife might assume that, after his adventures in corporate America, her daily trials seem trite and uninteresting. Many couples meet in college, where they have a base of shared experience to draw on–similar classes, schedules, professors, stresses and issues they can share. Out in the “real world”, however, it can feel like there’s less and less in common. I think it’s very important for men, and women, to recognize this and be proactive about it. Creating shared experiences is a great way to do so, as you mention, but I think it’s equally important to share some intellectual challenges, as well. Discussions of books, current events, and other non-daily life related topics are an awesome opportunity to reconnect with what, intellectually and emotionally, drew you to the other person in the first place.

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